Published: June 02, 2025 at 03:45 AM

Tags: zoom-message, gospel, ministry-prep, personal-struggle, conference, devotional-writing, recording-issues, travel, halifax-conference, anxiety, prayer

Saturday morning I had the opportunity to share the Gospel during a Zoom meeting for the Philippines. The whole session ran about 30 minutes, with my portion taking around 15. I tried something new this time: instead of just a single camera feed, I used a dual-window setup. My video was in the lower-left corner, and the main screen displayed Bible verses in both English and Tagalog. I used FreeShow for the Scripture display and OBS to tie everything together.

I think it went well, but I’m never the best judge of my own speaking. I tend to second guess how it landed. Sometimes I wonder if people say the message was good just to keep from discouraging me.

Now I’m working on a ministry message for later this month, our usual second Thursday ministry night. I’ve also started laying the groundwork for a written devotional series based on the churches in Revelation. That project is still in the research phase, but it’s taking shape. In addition, I’m preparing a spoken devotional for Orangewood Gospel Hall’s Saturday Zoom broadcast.

Take all our troubles to God in prayer.
But I often wonder what His response is, or if I even hear it right.
I still struggle with myself; with anxiety, hesitation, and self-doubt.

There are moments when I want to stand up during a meeting and pray, or share verses or ministry, but I hold back. I fight myself - mentally and emotionally - and more often than not, I end up sitting in silence.

That said, I did follow through on the Zoom Gospel this past Saturday. And I’m scheduled for a short Gospel message at The Willows the Sunday after next.

I’ve learned that once I commit to speaking, I follow through, even if I don’t always feel like the message is great. But trying to apply that same mindset in regular meetings doesn’t always work.

Some days I wonder if my faith is lacking, not because I don’t believe, but because I get in the way of myself.

If you’ve read this far, you’ve probably gathered that my brain is a strange place to be. Hah!

Another Sunday has come and gone without me rising to speak. The meeting was fairly full, with a visiting guest in as well, so things moved quickly from one speaker to the next. That’s my excuse, anyway. Deep down I know it’s just that, an excuse. And it frustrates me. Then I get frustrated about being frustrated. A cycle.

We had a free yard sale at the hall on Saturday. I wasn’t able to attend, but I did contribute a few books and designed the flyer and online ad. Unfortunately, it also led to an issue Sunday morning, I was running late and didn’t realize the main microphone had been unplugged for the yard sale. I didn’t notice it wasn’t reconnected. So the Sunday morning audio recording ended up being captured only by the backup mic at the back of the room. That mic is old, meant mostly for enhancing hymn vocals. The result: muddy, distant audio. I managed to salvage part of the message, but not all. Disappointing, but a lesson learned.

This upcoming weekend I’ll be traveling to the Halifax Bible Study Conference. I’ll be going with a few people I haven’t traveled with before, so that’ll be a new experience. I’m still not sure if we leave Friday or Saturday, but I’ll have the full details soon. It may be socially exhausting, but I truly think (and pray) it will be worth it. Even just for the time in the Word and the ministry itself.

More updates to come - Lord willing.